First day, and my mind elsewhere...

I have written it this morning.
Well, first day of uni. Right now I am on the train... 45 minutes to arrive. First lesson: russian language. What can I say? Sounds weird and interesting, but I have no idea, so I would have prefered to start with another lecture.
It is the time to move properly, to leave home for some time... and like everytime it happens I will feel free, but I will feel lonely too.
This time I have someone here, someone who loves me... but I don't really love him, it is not true love... like it was before.
Yesterday we talked... and the one who was my love said a million different things: "I don't love you but let's be friends" (It is okish for me) "It is really dead, I am 100% sure" (sighhhh, I don't think so, I think he was lying here, but I don't really know) "Noooo, it is not dead, I still feel something for you but I don't really want to be with you" (Is this opposite to the sentence before? I think so) "Listen to me! I don't love you anymore! F*** off!" (wow! but don't lie to me) And then I say: "You are not with me because it is complex right?" "Right" "But if it wasn't so complex would you be with me following your feelings?" "Listen, I need to focus on my studies" o_O (What kind of answer is that??? Is he hiding? Because I really think so) In the end I decided to go away from his life and stop disturbing him forever, so I asked him to hurt me badly because that way I'd stop caring about him as much as I do... he just can't, and it is another thing that tells me that he loves me.
Well, today i am off because of my uni and he is busy too, so let's wait to see what happens.

Listening: to a guys' conversation (one of them looks really good lol)
Mood: confused, so f****** confused and kinda lost
Doing: thinking and writing, well writing...