Just a little bit of patience. Things are going mad... I have a million ideas but I need peace and calm.
Wish me good luck.
Listening: to the TV, not paying attention
Mood: thinking, a bit nervous but ok, impatient...
Doing: listening random words and reading my mind...
Showing posts with label doubts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubts. Show all posts
28/09/2009
First day, and my mind elsewhere...
I have written it this morning.
Well, first day of uni. Right now I am on the train... 45 minutes to arrive. First lesson: russian language. What can I say? Sounds weird and interesting, but I have no idea, so I would have prefered to start with another lecture.
It is the time to move properly, to leave home for some time... and like everytime it happens I will feel free, but I will feel lonely too.
This time I have someone here, someone who loves me... but I don't really love him, it is not true love... like it was before.
Yesterday we talked... and the one who was my love said a million different things: "I don't love you but let's be friends" (It is okish for me) "It is really dead, I am 100% sure" (sighhhh, I don't think so, I think he was lying here, but I don't really know) "Noooo, it is not dead, I still feel something for you but I don't really want to be with you" (Is this opposite to the sentence before? I think so) "Listen to me! I don't love you anymore! F*** off!" (wow! but don't lie to me) And then I say: "You are not with me because it is complex right?" "Right" "But if it wasn't so complex would you be with me following your feelings?" "Listen, I need to focus on my studies" o_O (What kind of answer is that??? Is he hiding? Because I really think so) In the end I decided to go away from his life and stop disturbing him forever, so I asked him to hurt me badly because that way I'd stop caring about him as much as I do... he just can't, and it is another thing that tells me that he loves me.
Well, today i am off because of my uni and he is busy too, so let's wait to see what happens.
Listening: to a guys' conversation (one of them looks really good lol)
Mood: confused, so f****** confused and kinda lost
Doing: thinking and writing, well writing...
Well, first day of uni. Right now I am on the train... 45 minutes to arrive. First lesson: russian language. What can I say? Sounds weird and interesting, but I have no idea, so I would have prefered to start with another lecture.
It is the time to move properly, to leave home for some time... and like everytime it happens I will feel free, but I will feel lonely too.
This time I have someone here, someone who loves me... but I don't really love him, it is not true love... like it was before.
Yesterday we talked... and the one who was my love said a million different things: "I don't love you but let's be friends" (It is okish for me) "It is really dead, I am 100% sure" (sighhhh, I don't think so, I think he was lying here, but I don't really know) "Noooo, it is not dead, I still feel something for you but I don't really want to be with you" (Is this opposite to the sentence before? I think so) "Listen to me! I don't love you anymore! F*** off!" (wow! but don't lie to me) And then I say: "You are not with me because it is complex right?" "Right" "But if it wasn't so complex would you be with me following your feelings?" "Listen, I need to focus on my studies" o_O (What kind of answer is that??? Is he hiding? Because I really think so) In the end I decided to go away from his life and stop disturbing him forever, so I asked him to hurt me badly because that way I'd stop caring about him as much as I do... he just can't, and it is another thing that tells me that he loves me.
Well, today i am off because of my uni and he is busy too, so let's wait to see what happens.
Listening: to a guys' conversation (one of them looks really good lol)
Mood: confused, so f****** confused and kinda lost
Doing: thinking and writing, well writing...
23/08/2009
Lies
I hate lies... why everybody has lied at least once?
Isn't it pointless?
Listening: tv
Mood: thinking... annoyed... confussed
Doing: chatting on msn
Isn't it pointless?
Listening: tv
Mood: thinking... annoyed... confussed
Doing: chatting on msn
21/08/2009
It's friday...
... and I have to study :(
People go out on fridays... i have been out this morning, in a museum... I have loved it, but now I am alone at home and I feel lonely because people is calling me to go out tonight and I am saying no :(
I was waiting for someone whose plans where to stay at home too, so at least chatting to him would have made my study time shorter, but no, he must be busy and I am staring at the phone waiting for a message that I doubt I will get and at the same time asking myself why I am not calling him when I die to talk to him just to check how is his day going... but maybe I disturb him, maybe he is busy with his friends, so maybe I shouldn't call...
why is it so hard to make such a simple decision?
I think I won't call and that way I can focuse on my studies properly... I only have 10 days left and I am starting to panic :S
Listening: We belong together - Mariah Carey
Mood: feeling lonely and bored but ok
Doing: studying American history *yawn*
People go out on fridays... i have been out this morning, in a museum... I have loved it, but now I am alone at home and I feel lonely because people is calling me to go out tonight and I am saying no :(
I was waiting for someone whose plans where to stay at home too, so at least chatting to him would have made my study time shorter, but no, he must be busy and I am staring at the phone waiting for a message that I doubt I will get and at the same time asking myself why I am not calling him when I die to talk to him just to check how is his day going... but maybe I disturb him, maybe he is busy with his friends, so maybe I shouldn't call...
why is it so hard to make such a simple decision?
I think I won't call and that way I can focuse on my studies properly... I only have 10 days left and I am starting to panic :S
Listening: We belong together - Mariah Carey
Mood: feeling lonely and bored but ok
Doing: studying American history *yawn*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)