Happy new year to you

I am tryin to update from the phone. please be patient you all. ill be back soon. Have a happy new year.

Trying to be myself again, trying to be back

Just a little bit of patience. Things are going mad... I have a million ideas but I need peace and calm.
Wish me good luck.

Listening: to the TV, not paying attention
Mood: thinking, a bit nervous but ok, impatient...
Doing: listening random words and reading my mind...

Back to the s***

What more can I say?
I'm just waiting for the right time to move on...

Listening: nothing
Mood: sad, angry... nearly desperate
Doing: nothing

First day, and my mind elsewhere...

I have written it this morning.
Well, first day of uni. Right now I am on the train... 45 minutes to arrive. First lesson: russian language. What can I say? Sounds weird and interesting, but I have no idea, so I would have prefered to start with another lecture.
It is the time to move properly, to leave home for some time... and like everytime it happens I will feel free, but I will feel lonely too.
This time I have someone here, someone who loves me... but I don't really love him, it is not true love... like it was before.
Yesterday we talked... and the one who was my love said a million different things: "I don't love you but let's be friends" (It is okish for me) "It is really dead, I am 100% sure" (sighhhh, I don't think so, I think he was lying here, but I don't really know) "Noooo, it is not dead, I still feel something for you but I don't really want to be with you" (Is this opposite to the sentence before? I think so) "Listen to me! I don't love you anymore! F*** off!" (wow! but don't lie to me) And then I say: "You are not with me because it is complex right?" "Right" "But if it wasn't so complex would you be with me following your feelings?" "Listen, I need to focus on my studies" o_O (What kind of answer is that??? Is he hiding? Because I really think so) In the end I decided to go away from his life and stop disturbing him forever, so I asked him to hurt me badly because that way I'd stop caring about him as much as I do... he just can't, and it is another thing that tells me that he loves me.
Well, today i am off because of my uni and he is busy too, so let's wait to see what happens.

Listening: to a guys' conversation (one of them looks really good lol)
Mood: confused, so f****** confused and kinda lost
Doing: thinking and writing, well writing...

To my friend

Well, I will write something (silly) about a friend.
We met some months ago, althought it just seems ages for me... we have talked during hours and hours... about many things...
It's strange how you can have someone so far and sometimes feel it so near, like if you would go to your door and he would be there waiting for you to go out and take a coke together... it's different cultures, different times, different countries, different ways of life, but I guess we have something that join us, that makes us talk nearly everyday.
we share feelings, thoughts, moods... he can change my mood easily if he tries, he can make me smile just with one sentence... sounds like love, but it is not, and sometimes I think it is the best of all. that it is just a friendship, so we don't argue over stupid things or cry because of the other like couples do.
I remember that when we met he asked me if our friendship would last just a month... I said I am not that kind of person, I care about people, I don't use to forget people after one month... I think I have proved it, haven't I?
We have been there when the other was happy, when the other was sad... always... and thinking about it I don't know why, I just know it is happenning that way.
I hope we can support the other and make the other smile during the rest of time.
All I have to say to him is thank you for all, I really mean it, I love to be your friend.
Take care my friend, and be happy whatever happens in life.

PS: maybe it is not deep enough for you, but I am writing without planning anything, just how it comes to my mind.

Listening: un siglo sin ti by Chayanne
Mood: smiling
Doing: thinking about life and happiness

Just time

It's all I need... my exams will be over soon. Then I will make a decision. And I will be back in the blog too. Just time... it is all I need

Listening: En que estrella estará by Nena Daconte
Mood: rather sad... with a million decisions to take...
Doing: chatting on msn and letting time go...

Being ill

I have been ill these days so that's why i haven't posted anything...
today i still feel ill... but at least i wanted to update this.
Here is another idea to post about: football
well, i will start with my notebook again. I had a notebook to write stupid ideas, copy sentences, draw... I will continue it from now on... hope to do something good and post it here.
Well, I will go to lay again.
Goodbye

Listening: music from the street
Mood: rather sad, feeling ill
Doing: waiting

Lies

I hate lies... why everybody has lied at least once?
Isn't it pointless?

Listening: tv
Mood: thinking... annoyed... confussed
Doing: chatting on msn

22nd August

Well, it is already 23rd, but i didn't find time until now... and it is 2 am...
I'm really sleepy... I will go to bed as soon as I finish this.
I just want to say that today was a special day. I got emotional and I loved it.
Thank you for all.

Listening: nothing, but having poker face by lady gaga on my mind
Mood: tired and emotional
Doing: waiting to go to sleep and thinking about a special someone

It's friday...

... and I have to study :(
People go out on fridays... i have been out this morning, in a museum... I have loved it, but now I am alone at home and I feel lonely because people is calling me to go out tonight and I am saying no :(
I was waiting for someone whose plans where to stay at home too, so at least chatting to him would have made my study time shorter, but no, he must be busy and I am staring at the phone waiting for a message that I doubt I will get and at the same time asking myself why I am not calling him when I die to talk to him just to check how is his day going... but maybe I disturb him, maybe he is busy with his friends, so maybe I shouldn't call...
why is it so hard to make such a simple decision?
I think I won't call and that way I can focuse on my studies properly... I only have 10 days left and I am starting to panic :S

Listening: We belong together - Mariah Carey
Mood: feeling lonely and bored but ok
Doing: studying American history *yawn*

Ideas to write about

- Does real love exist?
- Marriage
- Education
- Television
- Realities
- Fashions
- Music

Listening: nothing
Mood: not really happy, not really sad, just thinking
Doing: thinking like mad and chatting on msn

Memories

Today is all about memories in my life... and I think it will last a few days more... sigh...

Listening: the cars on the street through the living room window
Mood: rather sad :( not in the mood to do anything
Doing: staring at the wall

One more day... one more post

Well, today I haven't got anythin in mind to write about, but I have been thinking and I decided that I'll post everyday, although it is just a line.
I can think about a million topics I would like to write about, but I havent planned anything, so I don't want to write something really bad and then regret it.
There is a question on my mind. Yesterday I wrote about feelings and how hard it is for some people to show them. But what's up when you show a feeling and then you feel the opposite?
I don't know.
Someone told me his/her feelings a few days before, and not he/she shows another ones, opposite ones... but she/he is not brave enough to say "sorry, I was wrong" or "I changed my mind about it" or just tell me the feelings and I get the meaning by myself. Sometimes it is black and then next minute it is white, but when I ask "is it black or white?" all I get is "ssshhh, don't worry". What? Don't worry? I DO worry: you say something, you show another one, then you get quiet, then you pretend nothing happened... what is all this about? I don't know.
Isn't it better to be honest? things can change and everyone makes mistakes, so wouldn't be easier just to be honest about it all?

Listening: Katy Perry - Hot n Cold
Mood: Calmed and confused
Doing: Trying to study American culture

Why is it so hard to show our feelings?

This is something I have been asking myself during ages.
It's amazing how things can go wrong because we don't show our feelings to the people around us. I don't only mean saying our feelings directly but showing them in any way. For example, to show love you don't need to say "I love you", you can kiss the person you love, hug that person or just look at the other's eyes. It seems so simple while I type here, but the truth is that it is not so simple for everyone. Why? I don't know.
But it is not only about love. It is about every feeling. Sometimes we miss a person like mad but we don't find the moment or we are not brave enough to take the phone and just say: "I miss you".
I think the world, or at least the personal relationships, could be better if we show our feelings.
Don't you know someone that has lost his/her love because they don't say "I love you" to the other? Don't you know someone that regrets not saying "I'll miss you" before someone died? Don't you know someone who regrets not holding someone's hand just because she/he "didn't find the right moment?
I think we should say these kind of things every day, like if tomorrow we weren't going to have the chance to do it.
Life is too short to be hiding feelings, and more when we can lose the opportunity to show them and never have it again.

The beginning

Everything has a beginning and this is the beginning of this blog.
The song I posted before by the Beatles is a meaning of the title of the blog.
I am a 20ish years old girl that doesn't feel like fitting in this world.
I think there is so much to change, so much to improve, so I'll post my thoughts here to see if there is someone sharing them, to see if i can change not the world but at least some thoughts in people.
I don't try to persuade anyone, I just try to express my point of view and discuss it.
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment whatever.

Nowhere Man

He's a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.
Doesn't kave a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?
Doesn't kave a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all till somebody else lend you a hand.
He's a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody